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Awhile back, the late Ed Badger sent this collection. I truly miss his emails
and sharp sense of humor...

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.

One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked him:
"Father, my dog is dead... Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we should not be havin' services for an
animal in the Church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's
no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate
to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Holy Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell
me the dog was Catholic?"

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Father O'Malley answers the phone. "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"

"It is!"

"This is the Internal Revenue Service . Can you help us?"

"I can!"

"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"

"I do!"

"Is he a member of your parish?"

"That he is!"

"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"

"He will..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he'd like a
young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks
how old he is.

"I'm 90 years old," he says.

"90?" replies the madam. "Don't you realize you've had it?"

"Oh, sorry," says the old man. "How much do I owe you?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I might be getting
senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."

"That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip
them down."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A visibly shaken man staggers into a bar. He asks the bartender for
a double Jack Daniel's. After downing the first drink, he proceeds to down
two more doubles.

The bartender becomes concerned and asks the man what is the problem.

The man mumbles that it's not important, that no one can help him anyway.
He then orders a fourth drink, and again the bartender asks him if there is
anything he can do.

This time the man says, "Yeah, there is something you can do. Answer me
a question. How big is a penguin?"

The bartender holds his hand about three feet off the ground and says, "Oh,
about this high. Why?"

"Damn, I think I just ran over a nun."

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