- I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
- Duct tape won't fix that.
- Honey, I think we should sell the old pickup and buy a family sedan.
- Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
- We don't keep firearms in this house.
- Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
- You can't feed that to the dog.
- I thought Graceland was tacky.
- No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
- Wrestling's fake.
- Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
- We're vegetarians.
- Do you think my gut is too big?
- I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
- Honey, we don't need another dog.
- Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
- Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
- Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
- Spittin' is such a nasty habit.
- I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
- Checkmate.
- She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
- Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
- Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
- I don't have a favorite college team.
- Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
- You ALL.
- Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla Mae.
- Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight.
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NCR ~ Wednesday Humor... 12:20 AM, EST 
