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An account of a senior citizen's last trip to COSTCO...

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow
for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog. I and was in the check-out line when
a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to
do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina
Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital
last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward
with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to
load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time
you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going
to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with
my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned
me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's backside and a car hit me.

For a moment, I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he
was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

The Moral? Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the
world to think of crazy things to say.