.
.
Sugarloaf, a happily exuberant lady from the mountains out west,
sent this collection of mythical letters...

Dear Noah:
We could have sworn you said the Ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans:
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood
pumping through them, there is no way they can ever become
sexually aroused. So enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear Icebergs:
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bltch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America:
You produced Miley Cyrus. Justin Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo:
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..."
just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2011:
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black?
WTF happened?
Sincerely,
1985

Dear girls who have been dumped:
There are plenty of fish in the sea...
Just kidding! They're mostly dead.
Sincerely,
BP Oil

Dear Saturn:
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear Fox News:
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely,
Unimpressed

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn:
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids:
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely,
Black people

Dear Scissors:
I feel your pain... No one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin

Dear World of Warcraft:
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely, Parents Everywhere

Dear Customers:
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Ugly People:
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear World:
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendar ends there
because some Spanish dirtbags invaded our country and we got
a little busy. OK?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear White People:
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone:
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words.
You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Man:
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant
.