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The difference between the North and the South CLEARLY explained... at last!

The North has Bloomingdale's ~ the South has Dollar General.

The North has coffee houses ~ the South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services ~ the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives ~ the South has .44's, .45's, .50 cal's and
'chine guns!

The North has double last names ~ the South has double first names.
(AND... They marry cousins!)

The North has Indy car races ~ the South has stock car races.

North has Cream of Wheat ~ the South has grits.

The North has green salads ~ the South has collard greens .

The North has lobsters ~ the South has crawfish .

The North has the rust belt ~ the South has the Bible Belt .

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH...

In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, DON'T PANIC! Four men in a
four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try
to help them, just stay out of their way. THIS... is what they live for!

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store...
Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, Y'all is singular, all y'all is plural, and all y'all's is plural possessive

Get used to hearing "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying.

They can't understand you neither. The first Southern statement to creep into
a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective big ol' truck or big ol' boy.

Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are
in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper .

Be advised that He needed killin' IS a valid defense here!

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this!" you should definitely
stay out of the way! These are most likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation
of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store for milk and bread!
(Likely for milk and bread samiches) It doesn't matter whether you need anything
or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are
proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to
pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we
will accept them as Southerners... After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we
ain't gonna call 'em biscuits!

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