.
.

Moved to New England

August 15
Moved to a new home in New England. It's so beautiful here. The lake to
the north looks so majestic. I can hardly wait to see it snow covered. I'm
going to love it here.

October 14
New England is definitely the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves
have turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride
through the park and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly
they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise,
I LOVE IT HERE.

November 10
Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such
a gorgeous animal, hope it will snow soon. I love it here. Those red and
orange leaves have covered my yard. Looks like a magnificent multi-colored
carpet. HOW BEAUTIFUL. Raking and cleaning up the yard will be a great
opportunity for invigorating exercise in the cool crisp air.

November 15
Ah, more leaves and more exercise.

November 18
Praise Jesus, still more leaves. Guess it's best to wait until they've all fallen
before I rake again.

November 25
Finally, all of the trees lost their leaves and today's final raking it's over for
this season. Chiropractor suggested I use a lawn maintenance service next
year. Only four blisters became infected. Should probably remember to use
gloves.

November 30
What the f__k? Where did all of those leaves come from? A little wind last night
and the lawn is covered with leaves again. Oh well, they'll just have to wait
until spring.

December 12
It snowed last night, FINALLY. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white.
It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps
and shoveled the driveway. Had a snowball fight (I won) and when the plow
came by, we had to shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful
place. I Love New England.

December 14
More snow last night, I love it. The snowplow did its trick to the driveway again.
I Love it here.

December 19
More snow again last night. Can't get out of the driveway to get to work. I'm
just exhausted from shoveling. F__king snowplow!

December 22
More of that white sh!t fell again last night. As if dealing with all the leaves
weren't bad enough, now I've got blisters all over my hands from shoveling,
must remember to wear gloves. I think the snowplow hides around the corner
and waits until I'm finished shoveling the driveway. The a__hole.

December 25
Merry Christmas! More frigging snow. If I ever get my hands on that rotten
son-of-a-b!tch who drives the snowplow, I swear I'll kill the basterd. Don't
know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the f__king ice.

December 27
More white sh!t last night. Have been inside for three whole days except for
shoveling out the driveway after that plow goes through every time. f__king
gloves got wet and then froze on my hands. Doctor said it was just a mild
case of frostbite, disfiguring is probably only temporary. Can't go anywhere,
car is stuck in a mountain of white sh!t. The weatherman says to expect another
10 inches of the sh!t tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10
inches is?

December 28
The f__king weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of that white sh-t. At
this rate it won't melt 'til summer. The plow got stuck up the road and the
basterd came to the door and asked to borrow a shovel. After I told him I'd
already broken six of them shoveling all the sh!t he pushed into the driveway,
I broke my last one trying to break it on his f__king head.

January 4
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way
back I hit a damned deer that ran in front of my car. Did about $3000 damage.
F__king beast should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3
Took the car to the garage in town. The thing is rusting out from all the f__king
salt they put all over the roads.

May 10
Moved to The Villages in Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind
would ever want to live in that God-forsaken New England.