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Miscellaneous Sunday Humor

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must
tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
chardonnay."

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to
her brother who lives in a different state.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There
are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and
then there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's
morning."

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his
congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have
enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still
out there in your pockets."

A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls,
what do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson
was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped
by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson
was about.
He replied, "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile.
Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."
"That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."