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Quotable Quotes...

“Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, Lillian, you should have
remained a virgin.” - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

“I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalog: - No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt

“Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since
been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.” - Mark Twain

“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to
have the two as close together as possible.” - George Burns

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.“ - Victor Borge

“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.“ - Mark Twain

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad
one, you'll become a philosopher.” - Socrates

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” - Groucho Marx

“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to
breathe.” - Jimmy Durante

“I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.” - Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol,
caffeine, sugar, and fat.” - Alex Levine

“My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.”
- Rodney Dangerfield

“Money can't buy you happiness... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of
misery.“ - Spike Milligan

“Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.” - Joe Namath

“I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.”
- Bob Hope

“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”
- W. C. Fields

“We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through
Congress.” - Will Rogers

“Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.”
- Winston Churchill

“Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... But everything else starts to wear out,
fall out or spread out.” - Phyllis Diller

“By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.”
- Billy Crystal

And the cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.