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NCR ~ Saturday Humor... 12:31 AM, EDT 
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Keystone, a humorist from way out west, sent this compilation that was obviously
written by a man...
Men are just happier people -- What do you expect from such simple creatures?
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can be President.
- You can never be pregnant.
- You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
- You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- The world is your urinal.
- You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is
just too icky.
- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- Same work, more pay.
- Wrinkles add character.
- Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
- People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- One mood all the time.
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- You know stuff about tanks.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- You can open all your own jars.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
- Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You almost never have strap problems in public.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- You only have to shave your face and neck.
- You can play with toys all your life.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
- You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
- You can do your nails with a pocket knife.
- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
NICKNAMES
- If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate
and Sarah.
- If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat
Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
Eating Out
- When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though
it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually
admit they want change back.
- When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Money
- A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
Bathrooms
- A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
- The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man
would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
Arguments
- A woman has the last word in any argument.
ยท Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Future
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Marriage
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
- A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
Dressing Up
- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Natural
- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
- Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Offspring
- Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes
and dreams.
- A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Thought For The Day
- A married man should forget his mistakes. There's just no use in two people
remembering the same thing!
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