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Ebad, a somewhat shy by always irrepressible gentleman from the midwest sent
this one on policeman south of the Mason/Dixon Line...

Southerners have a way with words! Listed below are actual comments made
by South Carolina State Troopers that were taken off their car videos.

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you
wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless
document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the
bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything
I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I
mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give
you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was
Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides,
eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)

13. "Just how big were those two beers you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write
as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know
someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16.. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Here's yours."