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The Day After Christmas

'Twas one day after Christmas,
I'm crabby and I'm broke.
I'm so full of ham and fruitcake,
I think I'm gonna croak.

It's nice to see the relatives,
I wonder when they'll leave?
They've been camping in my bathroom
Since early Christmas Eve.

They're eating everything in sight
and sleeping in my bed.
I been sacked out in the basement
with my beagle, Fred.

The relatives have all gone out
and left their screaming brats.
The toilet bowl is all plugged up
and I can't find the cat.

It's Christmastime at my house,
the relatives are here.
They eat me out of house and home
and drink up all my beer.

I love the decorations,
and the sleigh bells in the snow
But I wish those pesky relatives
would take their kids and go.

Those cookie crunchers fed the dog
a twenty pound rib roast.
His feet are sticking in the air
like skinny old fence posts.

Now they're in a free-for-all,
the girls against the boys.
They're fighting over boxes
'cause they're bored with all their toys.

My mother-in-law is snoring
in my favorite TV chair.
Those kids are stringing lights on her
and tinseling her hair.

I oughta wake her up
before the fireworks begin.
But I wanna see those blue sparks
when they plug her in.