.
.

Clothing Puns

I went clothes shopping the other day. I wanted to take my dog with me, but he pants too much.

I decided to button up the house before I left. It was a short trip. I got out of my car and clothed
the door.

I decided to buy some shoes. What a feet. I stopped for a drink in the mall. I think it was laced.
The salesperson rang me up. Said he felt like he just sold his sole. I stuck my tongue out at him.
He was right, so I left. I felt like such a heel.

I decided to buy a shirt next. While I was trying one on it was half over my head, my phone rang.
I couldn't see for a moment and forgot which shirt I was trying on. Luckily, I had collar ID. The
antenna got cotton the sleeve.

The sales lady, Poly Esther, had to come over to assist me after she heard the shirt rip. I told her I
didn't need a stitch of help. Big deal, it ripped - sew what. I went to the bonus rack and got some
free shirts. I told the saleslady, "Tanks for nothing!"

I needed underwear. What a pain in the ass. They were stocked in the rear. I argued with the cashier
over the price - I didn't crack. I called her a name, she turned the other cheek. I really didn't mean
to make her the butt of my anger.

The yelling was brief. Lucky for her I'm not a boxer. If it wasn't for needing the underwear, I would
have socked her.

In my triumph, I sang a happy thong on the way out. I will admit, the store was pretty fly.

After I finished shopping, I zipped back home. I decided to skirt around all the traffic. Getting home
faster suits me just fine.

I tried to beat my friend home. It was a tie. I had this one in the hat.

When I got inside, I decided to scarf down some food. I got a salad - with dressing. I had a hard time
ironing out what to have for dessert. I managed to work out all the wrinkles and had a smoothie.

I finally decided to tux myself into bed and call it a night.

.
.