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Abie, a rather shy and retiring gentleman who lives southwest, sent this one...

How to get to Heaven from Scotland in case ya didn't know...

I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday School class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"

"No!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"

Again, the answer was 'No!'

By now I was starting to smile.

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"

Again, they all answered 'No!'

I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"

A six year old boy shouted, "Yuv got tae be fookin' dead!"

Kinda brings a wee tear tae yir eye.
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