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Abie, a somewhat shy and retiring gentleman who lives southwest,
sent this collection of puns…

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it
turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be
stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for
littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police
are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.. One
hat said to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then
it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
"Keep off the Grass."

15. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a
asmall medium at large.

16. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now
a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's
your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

And a short pun that I received the other day:

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his
hometown for the holidays.

After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the Eggs Benedict."

His order comes a while later and it's served on a big shiny hubcap. He
asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?"

The waiter sings, "There's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise."
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