The North has Bloomingdale's; the South has Dollar General .

The North has coffee houses; the South has Waffle Houses .

The North has dating services; the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has .44's, .45's, .50 cal's & 'chine guns!

The North has double last names; the South has double first names. (AND....They marry cousins!)

The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races .

North has Cream of Wheat; the South has grits.

The North has green salads; the South has collard greens .

The North has lobsters; the South has crawfish .

The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt .

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FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH

In the South : If you run your car into a ditch, DON'T PANI! Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. THIS… is what they live for!

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store... Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, Y'all is singular, all y'all is plural, and all y'all's is plural possessive

Get used to hearing You ain't from 'round here, are ya?

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you neither. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective big'ol,truck or big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that He needed killin' IS a valid defense here!

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, Hey, y'all watch this! you should stay out of the way! These are most likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store for milk & bread! (Likely for milk & bread samiches) It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners... After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven… We ain't gonna call 'em biscuits!

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SOUTHERN REDNECKS vs. NORTHERN BLUENECKS

Blue Necks are northern Honkies -- the opposite of Rednecks. Since there are Redneck jokes, here are some takes on how Southern folks look at Northerners (or how Northerners sometimes think of themselves):

Instead of referring to two or more people as "Y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.

You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."

You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY.

You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on the side of the road eg., boiled peanuts).

You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.

For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes-au-gratin to grits.

You don't know what a moon pie is.

You've never had an RC Cola.

You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or pickled.

You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.

You have no idea what a polecat is.

You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog.

You don't have bangs.

You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.

You've never eaten and don't know how to make a tomato sandwich.

You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-'n-knife show.

The last time you smiled was when you blocked someone from getting on an on- ramp to the highway.

You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.

You have more than one professional sports team in your home state.

You call binoculars opera glasses.

You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.

You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Joe Dan, Mary Alice).

You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie, Jimmie).

You don't have Maw-maw's and Paw-paw's.
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