1. You strike a match and light your nose.

2. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.

3. You hear a duck quacking and it's you.

4. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.

5. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.

6. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"

7. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.

8. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.

9. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.

10. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place.

11. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.

12. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.

13. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.

14. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.

15. Your bed spins at 33 rpm.

16. The pants you just wet are not your own.

17. You squish when you blink.

18. Your liver is trying to dial 9-1-1.

19. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.

There was a young Scotsman called Andy,
Who knocked over his bottle of Shandy.
He lifted his kilt,To wipe up what he spilt,
And the barmaid said, "Blimey! That's handy!
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