Wrap Your Gift
(to the tune of Deck the Halls)

Wrap your gifts with fingers agile, Fa la la la la... la la la la...
Seal it up and mark it "fragile," Fa la la la la... la la la la...
There's no reason to feel nervous, Fa la la la la... la la la la...
You can trust the postal service, Fa la la la la... la la la la.

Hear the postal worker singing, Fa la la la la... la la la la...
As your parcel he is flinging, Fa la la la la... la la la la...
See it crumple in the bin there, Fa la la la la... la la la la...
Aren't you sorry you walked in there? Fa la la la la... la la la la...

See your parcel speed to Philly, Fa la la la la... la la la la...
Through the air to cousin Billy, Fa la la la la... la la la la...
It will end up in Savanah, Fa la la la la... la la la la...
Via Nome and Butte, Montana, Fa la la la la... la la la la...

Fa la la la la...
Fa la la la la...
Fa la la la la...
la la la la.

We Three Clods From Omaha Are
(to the tune of We Three Kings)

We three clods from Omaha are
Spending Christmas Eve in a car
Driving, drinking,
Glasses clinking,
Who needs a lousy bar?

Ohh...
Drink to Charlie. Drink to Paul,
Drink to friends we can't recall.
Swerving, speeding,
Signs unheeding,
Drink to anything at all.

We three clods are feeling no pain,
Drunk as skunks with booze on the brain,
Senses losing,
'Til we're cruising,
Into a wrong way lane.

Ohh...
Drink to Melvin. Drink to Fred,
Drink to those two trucks ahead,
Headlights flashing,
Screeching, crashing,
Drink till they pronounce us dead.
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