It's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally
> out, the annual honor given to the persons who did the gene
> pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most
> extraordinarily stupid way.
>
>
> Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a
> Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was
> attempting to tip a free soda out.
>
>
> This year's winner was a real rocket scientist.... HONEST!
>
>
> Read on...And remember that each and every one of these
> is a TRUE STORY.
>
>
>
> * * * * * * * * * * * And the nominees were:
>
>
>
> Semifinalist #1
>
>
>
> A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting
> drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy
> alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this
> concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace
> in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his
> house down, killing both him and his sister.
>
>
>
> Semifinalist #2
>
>
>
> Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low
> altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they
> decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost
> control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found
> dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
>
>
>
>
> Semifinalist #3
>
>
>
> A 22-year-old Reston, VA , man was found dead after he
> tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot
> railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a
> fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together,
> wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to
> the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the
> pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
> investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was
> found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled
> was greater than the distance between the trestle and
> the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent
> cause of death was 'Major trauma.'
>
>
>
> Semifinalist #4
>
>
>
> A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems
> that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using
>
> the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend -- no doubt a future
> Darwin Awards candidate -- was hospitalized.
>
>
>
> Semifinalist #5
>
>
>
> Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas
> noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management
> evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources
> of ignition; lights, power, etc.
>
>
>
>
> After the building had been evacuated, two technicians
> from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the
> building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
> dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.
> Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
> technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an
> object that resembled a cigarette lighter.
>
>
>
> Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the
> warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles
> away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter
> was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
> suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as
> ''bright'' by his peers.
>
>
>
> Now, the winner of this year's Darwin Award
> (awarded, unfortunately, as always, posthumously):
>
>
>
> The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering
> metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road
> at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of
> an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was
> unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally
> pieced together the mystery crash. An amateur rocket
> scientist ... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet
> Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is
> used to give heavy military transport planes an extra
> 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his
> Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight
> stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car,
> jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
>
>
> The facts as best as could be determined are that the
> operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance
>
> of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was
> established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
>
>
> The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum
> thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in
> excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional
> 20-25 seconds.
>
>
> The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced
> G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under
> full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the
> remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on
> the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds)
> before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes,
> blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road
> surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles
> and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving
> a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the
> driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small
> fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the
> crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a
> piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
>
>
> Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained
> a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his
> voyage was not actually on the ground.
>
>
>
> You couldn't make this stuff up, could you? AND PEOPLE
> JUST LIKE THIS ARE STILL ALL AROUND US AND THEY
> BREED & VOTE... SCARY, ISN'T IT?
>
>

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