"Barack Obama is now denying that he is email pals with the beautiful actress, Scarlett Johansson. Remember that story? They were saying that Scarlett Johansson and Barack Obama were emailing each other. He says no, it's not true. In fact his exact words were: I did not have textual relations with that woman." - Jay Leno

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"You know. People really like Barack Obama because he's an inspirational speaker. But he was not the first one -- I was checking my presidential history -- he was not the first candidate to use the phrase Yes we can! Bill Clinton frequently used that on interns." - David Letterman

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Q. What ever happened to Joe Biden's old wig?
A. It was chased away by a dog.

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Q. Why did Joe Biden get a hair transplant?
A. To hide the mark of the beast.

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Barack Obama, John McCain, and Bill Clinton are passengers on a ship in the Persian Gulf. The ship hits a mine and begins to take on water.
As it begins to sink, Obama says: "Women and children first."
McCain says: "F___ the women."
Clinton says: "Do we have time?"
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