Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided...

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedos and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Bikinis and liver spots

11. Mini skirts and varicose veins

12. Inline skates and a zimmer

And, Most importantly...

At some point you have to give up the Daisy Duke shorts

There are, however, many perks of reaching 50 or 60 or being over 70 and heading towards 80 or 90!

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation,you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, Did I wake you?'

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 PM.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insuranceI is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of braincells is finally down to a manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

ONE MORE THING:

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill, and a laxative on the same night!
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