Recent Bumper Stickers

Apathy: I could take it or leave it.

If life gives you peanuts, make peanut butter.

Better half a slogan...

Well, at least the war on the environment is going well.

Churches only worship the prophet margin.

Don't believe everything you think.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

I'm schizophrenic and so am I.

Cats make everything taste better.

Your body would look good in my trunk.

Just say NO to negativity.

I thought I was indecisive; now I'm not so sure.

When life hands you gators, make Gatorade.

I've heard about the evils of drinking beer, so I gave up reading.

My dog is smarter than your honor student.

The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

The Moral Majority is neither.

Dyslexics Untie!

Sorry if I look interested, I'm not!

Custer wore an Arrow shirt.

I pink, therefore I SPAM.

I love animals. They're delicious.

Be alert. The world needs more lerts.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE!

Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10.

So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.

Want a little taste of religion? Bite the minister.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life, either!

Excess is never too much in moderation.

If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

Help your local Search & Rescue. Get lost!

Carpe Diem = Seize the day. Carp In Denim = Fish in pants.

Never believe generalizations.

I don't think, therefore I am not.

Jesus saves. He uses double coupons.

Dyslexics are teople poo.

Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.

Jesus loves you. But I'm His favorite.

An Apple a day keeps Windows away.

This bumper sticker intentionally left blank.

Double your drive space. Delete Windows.

If it ain't broke, take it apart and fix it.

My mother was a moonshiner, and I love her still.

MOP AND GLO - The floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.

I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

The control key on the keyboard does not work.

The meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

Nuke the Whales! We'll hunt them at night.

Jesus loves you! Everybody else thinks you're a horse's a$$.

Lawyers allegedly have feelings too.

The next Kleenex always pops up; therefore God exists.

Too much Pluribus, not enough Unum.

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.

The box said Windows 2000 or better. So I installed Linux.

Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire.

So many cats, so few recipes.

Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.

Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

I plan to live forever. So far, so good!

Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

Veni, Vidi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I stuck around.

On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.

On your mark, get set, go away!

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

My drinking team has a bowling problem.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

I am not infantile, you idiot stinky poopyhead doodoo face.

I have the right to remain silent, but not the ability.

Liberal Arts major: will think for food.

If you can read this, I've lost the trailer!

Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.

What we need is a patch for stupidity!

Frankly, Scallop, I don't give a clam.

I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.

If you can't read this, thank the teacher's union.

Procrastinate now.

The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at the stake.

Rehab is for quitters.

My dog can lick anyone!

I have a degree in Liberal Arts - do you want fries with that?

Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and name streets after them.

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

If you were born again, would you have two bellybuttons?

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

West Virginia: One million people, and 15 last names.

I'm out of estrogen and I've got a gun!

I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

Gravity: It's not just a good idea. It's the law.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

You - Off my planet.

If you are what you eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.

I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.

I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

I'm supposed to back up my hard drive, but how do I put it into reverse?

Nice perfume. Did you marinate in it?

Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.

Earth is full. Go home.

Is it time for your medication or mine?

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

South Korea's got Seoul!

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

Above all else, sky.

The trouble with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.

God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.

IRS: Be Audit You Can Be

(Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If you can read this, my wife fell off!

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

A day without sunshine is like night.

First things first, but not necessarily in that order.

Old age comes at a bad time.

If going to church makes you a Christian, does going into a garage make you a car?

In America, anyone can be president. It's really risky to be American.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Without ME, it's just AWESO.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Life would be easier if I had the source code.

Hang up and drive.

Nebraska: At least the cows are sane.

God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

Honk If you want to see my finger.

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

Keep honking while I reload.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.

Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her (or some such noise).

Constipation causes people not to give a crap.

Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a native American!

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I did a little shopping.

What if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about?

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0!

Driver carries no cash. He's married.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Watch out for the idiot behind me.

I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol!

So you're kid's no honor student. Society needs fast food workers.

Honk if you hate peace and quiet.

I have the body of a god. Buddha.

Never miss a good opportunity to shut up.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

Your stupid!

Honk if you've never seen a gun fired from a moving vehicle.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once.

If it isn't broken, fix it until it is.

Thank God I'm an atheist.

New Mexico: Cleaner than regular Mexico.

Archaeologists will date any old thing.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

If you're happy and you know it see a shrink.

Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.

Worry. God knows all about you.

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
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