Apathy: I could take it or leave it.

Churches only worship the prophet margin.

Screw world peace, visualize DRIVING.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

I'm schizophrenic and so am I.

Stable relationships are for horses.

Just say NO to negativity.

I thought I was indecisive; now I'm not so sure.

I read the Constitution for the articles.

Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean (against doors, tables, walls).

National Spellling Bee Runer-Up

The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

The Moral Majority is neither.

Dyslexics Untie!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Veni, Vidi, VD - I came, I saw, I cankered.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE!

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life, either!

Excess is never too much in moderation.

To err is human, to moo bovine.

Think globally, Act galactically.

If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

Help your local Search & Rescue. Get lost!

Carpe Diem = Seize the day. Carp In Denim = Fish in pants.

Never believe generalizations.

The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance.

I don't think, therefore I am not.

Jesus saves. He uses double coupons.

Avoid alliterations always.

Fishermen don't die, they just smell that way.

Dyslexics are teople poo.

Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.

An Apple a day keeps Windows away.

This bumper sticker intentionally left blank.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS.

My mother was a moonshiner, and I love her still.

I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

The meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

Jesus loves you! Everybody else thinks you're a jerk.

Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly).

If you believe in telepathy, think about honking.

I plan to live forever. So far, so good! .

Veni, Vidi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I stuck around.

On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.

What would Scooby do?

Honk if the twins fall out.

I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.

My drinking team has a bowling problem.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

I am not infantile, you stinky poopyhead.

I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.

If you can read this, you're not the president.

To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.

Liberal Arts major: will think for food.

Visualize Whirled Peas

If you can read this, I've lost the trailer!

Stoplights timed for 30 mph are also timed for 60 mph.

I didn't climb all the way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Practice safe lunch: Use a condiment.

Follow that car, Godzilla - and step on it !

Frankly, Scallop, I don't give a clam.

Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up!

I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.

Procrastinate now.

The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at the stake.

Rehab is for quitters.

My dog can lick anyone!

I have a degree in Liberal Arts - do you want fries with that?

If you were born again, would you have two bellybuttons?

West Virginia: One million people, and 15 last names.

I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

Gravity: It's not just a good idea. It's the law.

If you are what you eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.

I'm supposed to back up my hard drive, but how do I put it into reverse? .

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Nyquil: the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

In dog years, I'm dead!

South Korea's got Seoul!

Above all else, sky.

God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.

IRS: Be Audit You Can Be

On a motorcycle: If you can read this, my wife fell off!

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.

I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.

Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.

A day without sunshine is like night.

First things first, but not necessarily in that order.

Old age comes at a bad time.

If going to church makes you a Christian, does going into a garage make you a car?

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?

I'm an English major: You do the math.

I need someone real bad. Are you real bad?

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

The more you complain the longer God makes you live.

I R S: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Without ME, it's just AWESO.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Rap is to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

What if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about?

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0!

Driver carries no cash. He's married.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

If I get you advantage, can I take drunk of you?

Watch out for the idiot behind me.

Honk if you hate peace and quiet.

I have the body of a god: Buddha.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once.

Thank God I'm an atheist.

New Mexico: Cleaner than regular Mexico.

Archaeologists will date any old thing.

If you're happy and you know it see a shrink.

Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.

Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
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