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The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.
The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Ralph. 'How about a
demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Ralph says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Ralph says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I
can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost
three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Ralph asks 'I'll bet you six thousand
dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee
into that wastebasket on the
other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully
and decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that
stunt, so he agrees again.
Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he
strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on
the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss
into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his
hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Ralph told me
he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand
dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk
and that you'd be happy about it.'
so ralph- do I write the check to you, or just make it out to acting membership guru?
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