REDNECK CUPID
A REDNECK VALENTINE
Kudzu is green,
Yore hair is like cornsilk
You move like the bass,
You're satsifyin' as okry,
You have all yore teeth,
On special occasions,
And speakin' of wits,
Still them fellers at work,
Like a good roll of duct tape,
Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler,
Yo're as cute as a junebug,
Cut from the best pattern,
When you hold me real tight,
Yore complexion's perfection,
And when you get old,
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie,
Some men, they buy chocolate,
Some men git roses,
Some men buy fine diamonds,
But for this man, honey,
I got you a gift,
My dog's name is Blue,
And I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.
A-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's,
And without all them fleas.
Which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales,
But I luv you anyway.
Jist a-fryin' in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop,
Right out of the can.
For which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.
when you shave yore armpits,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven!
I'm plumb outta my wits.
You've got plenty fer shore.
'Cuz you married me,
back in '74.
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
such a purty, young doe.
Yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles,
And stick 'em in the can.
Racin' through the mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger,
Named Naomi Judd.
A-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like that far ant,
I found under my bed.
Like a flannel shirt of plaid,
You sparked up my life,
Like a Rattletrap shad.
Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years,
Yore age, it keeps hidin'.
Like a '57 Chevy,
Won't put you on blocks,
And let grass grow up heavy.
With a RC cold drank,
We go together;
Like a skunk goes with stank.
For Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart;
It's romantic that way.
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger;
"That's impressive," I say.
From a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
They explain, suave and couth.
These will not do.
For you are too special,
You sweet thang you.
without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds...
it's a new troll'n motor!
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