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At VANDERBILT: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to
explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard.
At GEORGIA: it takes two, one to change the bulb and one to phone an
engineer at Georgia Tech for instructions.
At FLORIDA: it takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure
out how to get stoned off the old one.
At ALABAMA: it takes five, one to change it, three to reminisce about
how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an
NCAA investigator.
At OLE MISS: it takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and
three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
At LSU: it takes seven, and each one gets credit for five semester hours.
At KENTUCKY: it takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how
much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.
At TENNESSEE: it takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to
buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk
about how much they hate Alabama.
At MISSISSIPPI STATE: it takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to
buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS".
At AUBURN: it takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk
about how they did it better than at Bama, and fifty to get drunk and
roll toomer's Corner when finished.
At SOUTH CAROLINA: it takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to
discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent
football team.
At ARKANSAS: None. There is no electricity in Arkansas.
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