An elderly lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."

The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me."

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too."

The elderly woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."

"Coming up," says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too."

The elderly woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."

"Coming right up," the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"

The elderly woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue."

Old is When...

...your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefooted.

...your sweetie says, Let's go upstairs and make love, and you answer, Pick one - I can't do both!

...a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

...going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

...you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

...getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

...getting a little action means you don't need to take any fiber today.

...an all nighter means not getting up to use the bathroom.

...you are not sure these are jokes.
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