Subject: Happy St. Patrick's Day
>
> >Paddy, the famous Irishman, is driving home after downing a few at
> > >the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a
> > >tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too
> > >late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path. He
> > >swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a
> > >slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the
> > >trees. Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings
> > >his car to a stop. The officer approaches Paddy's car and asks him
> > >what on earth he was doing.
> > >Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops
> > >him mid sentence and says,
> > >"Fer crissakes, Paddy, that's yer air freshener!"
> > >
> > >
> > >******************
> > >
> > >An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go int o a pub and each order a
> > >pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies
> > >buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
> > >The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands
> > >another pint.
> > >The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The
> > >Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers
> > >and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya little b@st@rd! Spit
> > >it out!"
> > >
> > >*******************************************
> > >
> > >An Irish Fight
> > >
> > >Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been
> > >run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his
> > >face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
> > >"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
> > >"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little sod,
> > >O'Conner," says Sean, "he couldn't do that to you, he must have had
> > >something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what
> > >he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." "Well,"
> > >says Sean, "you should have defended yourself.
> > >Didn't you have something in your hand?" "! That I did," said
> > >Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's bre@st, and a thing of beauty it was, but
> > >useless in a fight."
> > >
> > >******************************************
> > >
> > >Irish Miracle
> > >
> > >An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from
> > >the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all
> > >over the road. Von pulls him over. "So," says Von to the
> > >driver, "where have ya been?"
> > >"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
> > >"Well," says Von, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink
> > >this evening."
> > >"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
> > >"Did you know," says Von, standing straight and holding his arms
> > >across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out
> > >of your car?"
> > >"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought
> > >I'd gone deaf."
> > >
> > >************************************************
> > >
> > >Irish Last Request
> > >
> > >Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning
> > >service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary,
> > >my dear?"
> > >She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away
> > >last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me,
> > >did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..."
> > >The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, 'Please
> > >Mary, put down that dam gun!'"
> > >
> > >
> >
> > >"Smile it either makes others feel good or makes them wonder what
> > >you're up to."
>