A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

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Husband Problem
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,
right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would
like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy!
I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law!
I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of
bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now.
That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

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A man was walking through the desert had not eaten for days.
He came across a church, went in, knelt at the altar and
prayed, "Good God give me some food!"

As if by magic a lump of meat dropped at his feet. Overjoyed
he ate the food. He came back every day with the same request,
and everyday he was rewarded until one day a hand dropped at
his feet.

Puzzled he looked up... There was a leper painting the ceiling.