Someone passed this along to me yesterday. I am still laughing as I reread it. I cleaned it up a bit for public consumption. Kinda nails it for me.

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER

8:15 - Wake up to hugs and kisses.

8:30 - Weigh in 2 pounds lighter than yesterday.

8:45 - Breakfast in bed: freshly squeezed orange juice and
croissants. Open presents: expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner.

9:15 - Soothing hot bath with Frangipani bath oil.

10:00 - Light work out at club with sexy, funny, personal trainer.

10:30 - Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry.

12:00 - Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe.

12:45 - Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17 pounds.

1:00 - Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.

3:00 - Nap

4:00 - Three dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from "Secret Admirer".

4:15 - Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but
gentle hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.

5:30 - Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe. Parade
before full length mirror.

7:00 - Candle-lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with
compliments received from other diners/dancers.

10:00 - Hot shower (alone). 10:50 - Carried to bed (freshly
ironed, crisp,new, white linen)

11:00 - Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.

11:15 - Fall asleep in his big strong arms.

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM

6:00 - Alarm

6:15 - *EDIT*-job

6:30 - Massive satisfying crap while reading the Sports section.

7:00 - Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by
naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler.

7:30 - Limo arrives

7:45 - Several beers en-route to airport.

9:15 - Flight in personal Lear Jet and renew Mile High Club membership with
all female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot displaying growlers.

9:30 - Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (*EDIT*- job en-route).

9:45 - Play front nine - 2 under.

11:45 - Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon

12:15 - *EDIT*- job.

12:30 - Play back nine - 4 under.

2:15 - Limo back to the airport (several bourbons.)

2:30 - Fly to Bahamas.

3:30 - Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who also
bend over a lot displaying growlers.

4:30 - Land world record Marlin (1234 lbs.) - on light tackle.

5.00 - Fly home, massage and happy ending by naked Elle McPherson
(bending over,naturally).

6:45 - Crap, Shower and Shave.

7:00 - Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated.

7:30 - Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet
steak followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of *EDIT*.

9:00 - Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV
as you watch football game.

9:30 - Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies...some
bending over).

11:00 - Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer.

11:30 - A night cap *EDIT*- job.

11:45 - In bed alone.

11:50 - A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the
dog to leave the room.

11:51 - Laugh yourself to sleep.