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Dragnet, a gentleman who lives southeast, sent this one...

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"And what happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Connor and me had us a fight," says Paddy.

"That little sh!t O'Connor?" says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you. He must've had somethin' in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should've defended yourself. Didn't you have somethin' in your hand?"

"That I did." said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Connor's breast, and a thing of beauty 'twas, but useless in a fight."