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Credit Dragnet, who lives southeast, with this one...

You've Had Way Too Much Coffee When...

1) Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.

2) You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

3) You sleep with your eyes open.

4) You lick your coffeepot clean.

5) Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

6) You can jump-start your car without cables.

7) Your only source of nutrition comes from Sweet & Low.

8) You don't sweat, you percolate.

9) You've worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug.

10) You've worn the finish off you coffee table.

11) The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

12) Starbuck's owns the mortgage on your house.

13) Your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of beans."

14) Instant coffee takes too long.

15) You name your cats Cream and Sugar.

16) Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.