Margaret Johnson decided to have her portrait painted by a very famous artist.

She told the artist, "Paint me with my 3-carat diamond earrings, a large diamond necklace, glimmering emerald bracelets, and a beautiful red ruby pendant."

"But, ma'am, you are not wearing any of those things."

"I know," said Mrs. Johnson. "My health is failing and my husband is having an affair with his secretary. When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want the b!tch to go nuts looking for the jewelry..."