This collection of "Brain Cramps" - in the Yogi Berra tradition - was sent to me by Ebad, a gentleman from the midwest...

I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever. -- Heather Whitestone, Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest, Miss America 1995, in response to the question “If you could live forever, would you and why?”

Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff. -- Mariah Carey

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal antismoking campaign.

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. -- Winston Bennett, University Kentucky basketball forward.

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president. -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it. -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

Half this game is ninety percent mental. --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
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We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur. -- -- Al Gore, Former Vice President

I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix. -- Dan Quayle, Former Vice President

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need? --Lee Iacocca

The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein. -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst.

We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people. -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor .

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. -- Bill Clinton, Former President

Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas. -- Keppel Enderbery
Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances. -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record. -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Feeling smarter yet?