Oops, you missed a spot: One of Fake Bake's last confirmed appearances, pre-mortem.
Photo by THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Funeral services were held yesterday for Fake Bake, who was discovered fried to death on a tanning bed last week. Mourners gathered at Our Lady of Melanoma to offer their last respects. Those in attendance included George Hamilton, Farrah Fawcett, and a barrage of other leather-faced fans.

Pall bearers were Mr. Bake's cousins on his mother's side: Spray-on Tan; Airbrush Tan; Self Tan(ner); and of course, Natural Tan, who shocked mourners by bringing a long-time enemy of the deceased, Tanning Lines.

Mr. Bake's death is still under investigation with details slowly emerging. Police covering the case have confirmed that Bake's death was not self-inflicted. Rather, he was locked in a tanning bed by another party and left to sizzle. A suspect in police custody is being questioned at this time. Officer Violet Rays, who is leading the investigation, would only provide the suspect's initials: SPF.
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