YOU KNOW YOU'RE AT AN UPPER-CLASS REDNECK WEDDING IF:

1. There's a tangy béarnaise sauce served with the possum.

2. The bride's gift registry specifies no rebuilt truck parts.

3. The fiddler has waxed his bow, his truck, his boots and his moustache for the festivities.

4. None of the girls lined up to catch the bouquet is pregnant.

5. No one is allowed on the dance floor barefooted.

6. The couple's honeymoon plans include a hotel room stay overnight.

7. The kids get a separate hotel room.

8. All road kill served in the buffet has been USDA approved.

9. The rental limousine has 4 wheel drive.

10. Friends, family and guests are de-loused as they enter the wedding hall.

11. The preacher removes his hat before starting the ceremony.

12. The bingo game at the other end of the hall is stopped for the ceremony.

13. There are no tractors or mules parked outside.

14. The flowers don't have to be returned to the funeral home.

15. The bride is all white, except for a few gravy stains on her undershirt.

16. The fleet farm boutique has fashion-coordinated the bridesmaid dresses.

17. No one in the bride's family appeared in last night's stag party movies.