This will bring joy to the day.!! I can almost picture all of these
things happening.

RETIRED HUSBAND AT WAL-MART Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six
months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion
in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have
considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance
equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble
your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been
compiled and are listed below. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MEMO: RE: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done
while his spouse was shopping in our store: 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of
condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't
looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the restrooms. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told
her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what
happened. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag
of M&M's on lay away. 6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR'
sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping
department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'd bring
pillows from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asks
if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people
just leave me alone?' 9. October 4: Looked right into the security
camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose. 10. November 10: While
handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows
where the antidepressants are. 11. December 3: Darted around the store
suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December
6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different
size funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 14. December 21: When an
announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position
and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!" And; last, but not
least!) 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and
waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in
here."