Tell your friend he can continue to accept payments by mail using my new service FluPal. Simply tell him to give his customers my street address. I'll open the envelopes, remove the germ-infested checks, deposit them into my account and then transfer 50% of the proceeds to him via PayPal.

My fee of 50% may seem high, but these Haz-mat suits cost money and can be destroyed by a single paper-cut.