The Top 16 Signs Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You

16> Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
15> Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.
14> He actually *does* have your tongue.
13> You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.
12> Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
11> You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.
10> As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.
9> Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."
8> Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, "Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?"
7> Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.
6> You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.
5> Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
4> Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.
3> Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.
2> You find a piece of paper labeled "MY WIL" which says: "LEEV AWL 2 KAT."

... and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You ...

1> Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.

==Mike==
R-5986