I received this one from a couple of people, one of which was Abie...

Chester, a Polish gentleman, moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a Lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."

The Lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Lawyer: "Have you any grounds?"

Chester: "Ja, Ja, acre and half and nice little home."

Lawyer: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

Chester: "It made of concrete."

Lawyer: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"

Chester: "No, we have carport, and not need one."

Lawyer: "I mean, What are your relations like?"

Chester: "All my relations still in Poland."

Lawyer: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

Chester: "Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."

Lawyer: “Does your wife beat you up?"

Chester: "No, I always up before her."

Lawyer: "Why do you want this divorce?"

Chester: "She going to kill me."

Lawyer: "What makes you think that?"

Chester: "I got proof!”

Lawyer: "What kind of proof?"

Chester: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say, 'Polish Remover'"

[ Note: I kinda think Chester may have been blonde. ]