Jeff Foxworthy on Illinois:

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you
might live in Illinois.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the
year, you might live in Illinois.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his
forehead, you might live in Illinois.
If you have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might
live in Illinois.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live
in Illinois.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Illinoisan WHEN:

1. Vacation means going north or south on I55 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from heat to AC in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging
blizzard, without flinching.
6. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how
to use them.
7. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
8. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled
with snow.
9. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, road
construction, and It's Hot.
10. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to
your blue spruce.
11. Down south means Missouri to you.
12. A brat is something you eat.
13. You go out to a tailgate party every Friday.
14. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
15. You find 0 degrees a "little chilly".
16. When the temperature reaches 50 degrees, it is a heat wave, time
to bring out the short sleeve sweaters.
17. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all
your Illinois friends. (What's not to understand???)