He also states:

I SHIP SLOWER THAN MANY SELLERS. and IT HAPPENS So DON'T GET NUTTY IF YOUR ITEM IS EVER LATE!

(We're definitely dealing with a pecan here)

ALASKA SHIPPING CAN TAKE SEVERAL MORE WEEKS TO ARRIVE

(probably 67 days) and what about:

I DO EBAY PART TIME ONLY SINCE I'M OFTEN AWAY

but

I ONLY ANSWER PHONE CALLS & LETTERS

How does he answer if he's often away? I think he might be taking periodic trips to the looney bin.

This whole thing has definitely gave me the proverbial laugh and a half...