Subject: At the crescent of his carreer.

It is with the saddest heart that we must pass on the following news.
Please join America in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and complications arising from repeated pokes in the belly.

He was 71 years of age.

Doughboy was ceremoniously entombed in a lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities were amongst the hundreds of mourners who turned out to pay their last respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Cap'n Crunch.

The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew just how much he was kneaded.

Doughboy rose to fame quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered to be a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes . . . !

He will be sadly missed at many a Thanksgiving meal, this season, and always.