MARINE CAPTURED BY CANNIBALS
>News Anchor Dan Rather, The Reverend Jesse Jackson, NPR Reporter Cokie
>Roberts, and an American Marine were hiking through the jungle one day,
>when they were captured by cannibals. They were tied up, led to the
village
>and brought before the chief. The chief said, "I am familiar with your
>western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and

>eat you, do you have any last requests?" Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a
>Texan; so I'd like one last bowl full of hot, spicy chili." The chief
>nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate
it
>all and said, "Now I can die content."
>
>Jesse Jackson said, "You know, the thing in this life I am proudest of
is
>my work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I want to
sing
>"We Shall Overcome" one last time." The chief said, "Go right ahead,
we're
>listening." Jackson sang the song, and then said, "Now I can die in
peace."
>
>Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my
tape
>recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe
>someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job ‘til the
end."
>The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Roberts
>dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."
>
>The chief turned and said, "And now, Mr. Marine, what is your final
wish?"
>"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine. "What?" said the chief. "Will you

>mock us in your last hour?" "No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me
in
>the ass," insisted the Marine. So the chief shoved him into the open,
and
>kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his
knees,
>pulled a 9mm pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead. In the
>resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4
carbine,
>and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were
dead
>or fleeing for their lives.
>
>As the Marine was untying the others, they asked him, "Why didn't you
just
>shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?" "What!?" said
the
>Marine, "And have you clowns call ME the aggressor?!?"