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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
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Life is sexually transmitted.
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If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who
said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
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Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
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The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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Get the last word in: Apologize.
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Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use
the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

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Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but
you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they use to?
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Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
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Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
box to start a campfire?
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AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these terrorists --
most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired
visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years. Now, compare that to
Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all
over you.

Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.