BY ZAY N. SMITH SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST

Taliban still among us

News Item: Muslim man in Islamabad, Pakistan, murders seven members of his family because his daughter had decided to marry a Christian and his family was therefore dishonored.

For those interested in faith-based initiatives.
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News Item: Iranian actress is sentenced to 74 lashes for kissing a film director during an awards ceremony, with the sentence suspended.

For those interested in compassionate conservatism, as applied to faith-based initiatives.

News Item: "An angry crowd stoned to death an Indian man accused of practicing witchcraft in a southern Mexican town. . . ."

For those keeping track of faith-based initiatives.
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Don't go there

Republican National Committee Chairman Marc Racicot on Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) recommending "a regime change in the United States" as he campaigned for the Democratic nomination:

"Sen. Kerry crossed a grave line when he dared to suggest the replacement of America's commander in chief at a time--"
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A man for the moment

News Item: Rep. Ernest Istook (R-Okla.) to propose a constitutional amendment protecting the inclusion of "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance.

Remember the name: Ernest Istook.

This man is going to be wasting a great deal of the public's time in the near future.
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The Taliban's Mullah Mohammed Omar, who this week issued a fresh order for jihad against U.S. troops, likes to sit alone in parked cars and make motor noises, according to Afghanistan expert Rob Schultheis, which sounds about right, doesn't it?
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And getting there fast

Mullah Mohammed Omar's order, which carries the signature of 600 Muslim clerics, to wage jihad:

"Whenever the non-Muslims attack a Muslim land it is the duty of everyone to rise up against the aggressor. Vroom! Vroom! Vroom!"

Sorry. Made the last part up.
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Land of plenty

An Air Force spokesman on Iraqi terrorist attacks:

"They're going to start running out of suicidal maniacs, sooner or later."

Exactly. Just look at Palestine.
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Be vewwy, vewwy quiet

A.B., a Las Vegas reader, writes:

"The reason so many of us ridiculed Clinton during his so-called war in Kosovo and others is that he was incompetent. Mr. Clinton lied to the American people over and over. He started his presidency on a lie and ended it on many lies. Until this president does the same, I shall support him."

But one warning: If you ever come not to support President Bush, remember to be very, very quiet about it while our troops are fighting, because, as his supporters keep pointing out, it is unpatriotic ever to criticize the commander in chief while our troops are fighting.

Unless it is some other commander in chief.

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No time for tumor tax

News Item: New York City bans smoking in all restaurants and bars because "the time has come" for people "to stop being exposed to carcinogens in our city."

News Item: New York City bans the sale of all tobacco products because the "time has come" for people "to stop being exposed to carcinogens in our city."

Hmm? There is no sales ban?

You mean Mayor Michael Bloomberg and leaders in other cities who push for smoking bans are typically looking for easy issues and really don't seem to mind people being exposed to carcinogens, as long as there is tax revenue in it?

Right. Never mind.

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Commentator Sean Hannity regarding Democrats who have criticized the Bush administration while the fighting goes on:

"I cannot remember a time of such irresponsibility, when such awful things are being said about a president, our leader, our commander in chief, at a time of war."

Neither can QT.

Well. Not since 1999, when the Clinton administration sent armed forces into Kosovo.
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Belt tightening, CEO style

News Item: Continental Airlines posts $451 million net loss in 2002.

News Item: Continental announces it will cut 1,200 jobs by the end of 2003.

News Item: Continental announces it will "look in every nook and cranny" in effort to cut $500 million in annual costs.

News Item: Continental awards CEO Gordon Bethune an $11.2 million pay package, more than 82 percent above his previous year's pay package.

You seem to have missed a nook, Continental.