Diary of a Snow Shoveler...
December 8 - 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had.
December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly.
December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my a** on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day.
December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August.
December 23 - Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did.
December 24 - 6".
December 25 - Merry f*ing Christmas! 20 more inches tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow!
The wife says I have a bad attitude.
December 26 - Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER idea.
December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me 1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in.
December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard.
December 30 - Roof caved in. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?