Don't go to the bathroom on October 28th.

CIA intelligence reports that a major plot is planned for that day. Anyone who takes a poop on the 28th will be bitten on the as* by an alligator.

Reports indicate that organized groups of alligators are planning to rise up into unsuspecting American's toilet bowls and bite them when they are doing their dirty business.

I usually don't make posts like this, but I got this information from a reliable source. It came from a friend of a friend whose cousin is dating
this girl whose brother knows this guy whose wife knows this lady whose husband buys hotdogs from this guy who knows a shoeshine guy who shines the shoes of a mailroom worker who has a friend who's drug dealer sells drugs to another mailroom worker who works in the CIA building.

He apparently overheard two guys talking in the bathroom about alligators and came to the conclusion that we are going to be attacked.

So it must be true.