"We are getting more and more insight into the life of Osama bin Laden.
Today the Saudi Arabian ambassador to the United States said that bin Laden
had an unhappy childhood growing up, 52 brothers and sisters.
You think his childhood was unhappy, wait 'til we deliver his mid-life
crisis." - Jay Leno
----------------
"You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally, but
they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.
Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and
these people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
immigration."
Jay Leno
------------------------
"The Taliban has asked Osama bin Laden to voluntarily leave the country.
They said they delivered him a note asking him to leave, which is a pretty
good trick considering they claim they don't even know where he is."
Jay Leno
-----------------------------------
"I read in the paper today this bin Laden guy is the wealthiest guy in
Afghanistan. That's when you know your government is no good, when the
wealthiest guy in the country lives in a cave." Jay Leno
-----------------------------------------
"There are reports on the news tonight that members of the Taliban feel
persecuted and fear their own safety. So now they know what it is like to be
a woman in their country." Jay Leno
------------------------------------------------
"There was a rumor that Jesse Jackson was going to go over there to talk
with the Taliban, apparently they were having trouble rhyming the word
Jihad." Jay Leno
----------------------------------------------
"U.S. Government has said they are now going to go after the terrorist's
electronic banking system. You know what they should do? They should transfer
bin Laden's funds to my bank. They'd mess up his deposits, screw up his
statement and nickel and dime him to death with service charges."
Jay Leno
-----------------------------------------------
"More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Usama bin
Laden. Time reports this week he was one of 52 kids. Mother must be
exhausted. This guy inherited $80 million at age 13 and has since expanded it
to $300 million through construction, smart investments and gas and oil
investments. This way, he can use the money in his war Against capitalism."
Jay Leno
----------------------------------------------
"The leaders of the Taliban said today that killing bin Laden won't solve
the problem. But, you know, it couldn't hurt." Jay Leno
-----------------------------------------------
"More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden. You know, he never
sleeps in the same Place two nights in a row, just like Clinton."
Jay Leno
-------------------------------------------
"This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words
for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send her over there, she'll get his
money, he'll be dead in a week." Jay Leno
---------------------------------------------

And finally ....

"It was reported today that Osama Bin Laden has 50 brothers and sisters.
Which absolutely shocked me because I had no idea he was Catholic" ... Conan O'Brien