1) Right after I returned the upside down plants they sold me at Home Depot (they had managed to balance them on their roots at the store, but as I was taking them out of the car, they revealed their true nature), they put up an "under construction" barracade around the returns desk. I don't see where they're doing any construction, but you can't get to the desk any more.

2) 60 Minutes wasn't too interested in my story, but watch for a Jerry Springer episode real soon on "Backwards nails and the morons who pound them."

3) The Tru-Value store was all out of left handed hammers, but they did sell me some left-handed boards. I'm going out now to see if they work any better.

4) "You could just switch hands and complete the deck by hammering with your left hand rather than the right." What do you think I am, some kind of moron?

5) And if you think I'm going to let a bunch of looney chippers dance on my deck... well you all just come on over and dance!