NCAA officials and College basketball fans were left in shock today after favourites Michigan State announced it would be unable to field a team for this year's Final Four game against the Wisconsin Badgers on April 1st.

Six members of the Spartans line-up - including point guard Mateen Cleaves,
forward Morris Peterson and coach Tom Izzo - are devotees of the infamous Indian
guru and faith healer 'Parfilolo' whose followers are forbidden to take part in
strenuous activity on the first day of any month.

Stunned NCAA officials are refusing to reschedule the game despite pleas from
Tom Izzo and the other Parfiloloites.

"Basketball is like religion to me," explained Izzo, "But my faith comes first and Guru Parfilolo clearly says that any man who works on the first of any month is risking eternal damnation. I mean...it would be great to win the trophy but...eternal damnation? I just don't know if it's worth it."

"If God had an agent, the world wouldn't be built yet. It'd only be about Thursday." - Jerry Reynolds, Sacramento Kings player personnel director

"It was a rash statement, and I'd like to apologise to every vulture in the sky." -Mike Gottfried, former university of Pittsburgh coach after saying that all sports agents were vultures.

ps the part about Michigan State is an April Fools joke,
the part about agents isn't!